Who Decided What “Professional” Looks Like, Anyway?

I have a question. Who decided what professionalism looks like? Seriously. Who made the rules? Who decided which hairstyles are appropriate? Which accents sound educated? Which emotions are acceptable? Which clothes communicate credibility? Which parts of our personalities belong in the workplace, and which ones we’re expected to leave at home? And perhaps most importantly… Who benefits from those rules?

I’ve spent much of my professional life in environments where there were very clear expectations about how leaders were supposed to look, sound, and behave. Some were written. Many weren’t. And the unwritten ones were often the most powerful.

Be confident, but not too confident.

Be passionate, but don’t get emotional.

Be approachable, but maintain authority.

Be yourself, but make sure that version of yourself doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable.

WHAT?!?! It’s exhausting just writing that. 😂

Now, before anyone gets upset, I’m not suggesting we abandon professional standards. Of course, expectations matter. Competence matters. Accountability matters. Respect matters. But somewhere along the way, I think we’ve confused professionalism with conformity. And those are NOT the same thing.

A person can be exceptionally competent without looking or sounding like the people who traditionally held their position. Someone can communicate differently and still have something valuable to contribute. A leader can show emotion without being incapable of making difficult decisions. And a person can have an identity, culture, or lived experience that differs from the majority without being any less professional.

Yet we continue to judge people based on expectations that aren’t always connected to their ability to do the job. We call someone “polished” when they fit our expectations. We call someone “unprofessional” when they don’t.

But how often do we stop and ask whether the behavior is actually inappropriate or simply unfamiliar? That distinction matters. Because when our definition of professionalism is too narrow, we don’t just limit how people express themselves. We limit whose talents are recognized. Whose voices are heard. Whose leadership is trusted. And whose potential gets overlooked.

I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve felt pressure to fit expectations that didn’t always align with who I was. And I’ve had to examine my own assumptions about what a leader was supposed to look and sound like.

That’s uncomfortable work. And it’s necessary work.

So here’s my unpopular opinion. Professionalism isn’t about how closely someone resembles our idea of a professional. It’s about how they actually conduct themselves.

Are they competent?

Are they accountable?

Do they treat people with respect?

Do they act with integrity?

Do they contribute meaningfully?

Those are the questions I want us to spend more time asking.

Because the next extraordinary leader might not look, sound, dress, or think anything like the leaders we’re accustomed to seeing. And if we’re too busy evaluating whether they fit the mold, we might completely miss what they bring to the table.

Maybe it’s time we stopped asking people to fit the mold and started questioning who made the mold in the first place.

Let’s keep the conversation going. Follow Megan on Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok for more reflections on authenticity, values, and everyday life.